ChantRant

Two FSU '09 season previews and a trunk full of naughty T-shirts

Bleacher Report previews every regular season FSU game and sees the Noles winning quite a few.

Meanwhile, Athlon again beats all other pre-season magazine to your newstand. Here's their FSU analysis.

And on the lighter side of college football, check out this line of edgy-but-funny T-shirts (scroll down for the college merch).

Two caveats:

1. We don't know this guy or get a cut of any sales, and...
2. We don't recommend wearing one that slams an opponent to any place where opponent fans gather (i.e., their stadium, home team sports bar, or -- in the case of that team from the South -- a Wendy's Job Fair).

How long will FSU pay the price for the worst recruiting year in recent history?

It was the end of the Jeff Bowden era. Florida State had muddled through its second straight 7 - 6 season. And the malaise showed in the 2007 recruiting class (ranked an underachieving 21st by Rivals).

In fact, 2007 may be FSU's worst class ever in terms of players who actually made a meaningful contribution. With the way things turned out, maybe it's good the Noles only had 20 scholarships to give.

Due diligence? More like doo-doo diligence. While lousy luck and injuries played a part, some of the blame has to go to the coaches. They simply failed to do their homework in sizing up most of the kids who signed Florida State LOIs. Either that, or they took a chance on too many of those 20 signees.

Successful recruiters use three main criteria to evaluate high school players. Sure, talent is far and away number one. But grades and character are vital to ensuring that a kid will qualify, make passing grades and stay out of trouble. If any of those three are out of whack, a school is taking a gamble.

So let's take a look at all 20 players from the class of '07 and where they are today.

The MIAs

Anthony Grosso, OL - Reported in the fall but bolted after he got a taste of new OL coach Rick Trickett's school of hard knocks. Moved on to Delaware, where he's no longer on the roster.

Bernard Brinson, DB - Academic non-qualifier. Played at Itawamba Community College (Miss.) and signed in February with Valdosta State.

Brian Coulter, DE - Academic non-qualifier from JC. Accepted at Missouri where he had 13 total tackles and 16 assists, including 3 sacks, last season. Will be a senior at Mizzou this fall.

Jonathan Hannah, TE - Academic non-qualifier from JC. Whereabouts unknown.

Zach Hillery, OL - Academic non-qualifier. No word on where he ended up.

Top Ten things heard this week at the NCAA

10. "Schools call 'em student-athletes, we just call 'em guilty as hell."

9. "Hey, that waterboarding thing could be good punishment for coaches who piss us off."

8.  "Scrooge!? Ha! That guy was a wuss."

7. "In honor of our founder, we're changing our phone number to end in 6-6-6."

6. "Bowden's gonna have a coronary when he loses all those victories -- or at least, that's the idea."

5. "Bob here is the guy who sends out letters denying appeals and emails posing as a wealthy Nigerian Prince."

4. "Tell Urban we won't investigate as long as he mails us his soul, first born and left testicle."

3. "Yep, you can't spell 'uncaring cads' without n - c - a - a!"

2. "Our health insurance doesn't cover cardiologists because, DUH!, working here you'll never use your heart."

1. "Corey who?"

Joe Mauer to FSU fans: "Sorrrrrrrry"

From the Coulda-Woulda-Shoulda Department: Joe Mauer was the hottest high school QB in the country in 2001 (the same Minneapolis high school where Chris Weinke played). In his senior year he threw for 3,022 yards and 41 touchdowns with only 3 INTS.

Mauer was signed, sealed and delivered to the Noles. But the chance to become an instant millionaire, and play for his hometown Twins, was too much for an 18-year old to pass up. Here's how USA Today described his dilemma at the time.

We bring up this painful memory only because Joe recently issued a TV apology to Seminole fans. It took some arm-twisting by Florida State grad and NBC-TV reporter Tiffany Simons. And if you enjoy Tiffany's, uh, work, here she is again, this time interviewing Charles Barkley.

JayGun may be the next Tebow, but he lists FSU first on his list of favorites

JayGun. What a cool nickname for a QB who some predict could be the next Tim Tebow -- if he turns to the dark side. The reptiles offered JayGun (real name, Jamius Gunsby) of LaGrange (GA) High. But he told the AJC in March, “My top six would be FSU, Florida, Oregon, Alabama, Auburn and Georgia.”

The 6-4, 220 lb.Gunsby has the gun, alright (check the video above and here). And he can scoot when needed, punishing players who get in his way. He's also a multi-sport athlete who can slam dunk and run track.

But besides the gator offer, JayGun is off the recruiting radar. He's unrated by both Rivals and Scout. So why would a big, talented QB from a very good program be overlooked?

A red flag from last season. One reason is that coaches haven't seen that much of JayGun. He only played the first six games of last year's schedule before being suspended for "a violation of team rules." Because LaGrange went deep into the Georgia playoffs, Gunsby missed nine of the team's 15 games.

Whatever JayGun's problems in 2008, it looks like Granger Coach Steve Pardue has wiped the slate clean. Gunsby is back and practiced hard in spring drills. If he comes out smoking this fall, he'll have a ton more offers before the leaves fall. Will that include one from FSU?

"Hail to the orange and blub-blub-blub..."

It's a given that gator fans can be delusional. And some apparently believe it's perfectly normal to behave like the swamp-dwelling reptiles they worship. How else do you explain the orange & blue crew that turned out to meet Urban Meyer this week in Lakeland?

A downpour turned the meeting place, a hangar at the Detroit Tigers spring training complex, into an ankle-deep bog. Attendees literally made waves as they slogged through three to four inches of standing water. Undeterred by the conditions, most of the crowd stayed, perhaps believing their water-soaked toes would magically become as webbed as Albert the alligator's.

Many crocodile tears were shed when the event staff wisely shut down the electrical equipment before gator pride turned into gator fried. Damn shame, since the multitudes were certain Urban would be able to walk across all that water.

Will this 2008 signee provide insurance for the Noles' 2010 D-Line?

Should Florida State have a down year in 2010 for defensive line recruits, all is not lost. Because if things go according to plan, 2008 signee Amp (AKA: Anthony) McCloud will be back -- older and wiser (Amp is the big guy on the left, no. 99 in the photo above from last season).

The Thomas County Central High grad went the JUCO route, racking up valuable experience as a part-time starter at Itawamba Community College in Mississippi (along with former Thomas Co. teammate and FSU signee, Debrale Smiley).

Imagine FSU fielding an All-Mac D-Line in 2010, with McCloud joining McCray, McDaniel, and McAllister, and lining up beside DE Kevin McNeil.

For an update on McCloud, we spoke to ICC Head Coach Jeff Terrill.

Coach, how is Amp progressing at Itawamba?
"He's progressing fine. Working hard, seems to be doing well with school, and hopefully he'll finish strong with these exams coming up soon. He's finishing up his spring semester of his first year."

So up until now his grades have been good?
"Yes, he's hanging in there pretty well. There's room for improvement, but he is on task."

ICC recently wrapped up spring practice. What kind of progress has Amp made since fall?
"I'm afraid Amp had some physical problems. He's a young man who's had some high blood pressure. And he had a spell of it during spring practice, so he missed some practice time because of it. But what limited action he saw, we were very pleased with."

Is Amp on medication for his blood pressure problem?
"Yes he is."

And what do you look for from Amp this coming season?

In the spring a young man's fancy turns to free football

Grocery shopping goes from boring to bee-yoo-ti-ful on free sample days. And every spring, FSU gives fans a free taste of the Noles latest gridiron product. This year, over 36,000 dropped by to sample the Seminoles. That was well north of the 19,631 average attendance for BCS schools, according to a Birmingham News study.

The big winner this spring was Nebraska, where 80,149 red overall-clad Husker fans jammed the stands. But it still wasn't good enough to beat the all-time spring game attendance record, when 92,138 Bama faithful turned out in 2007 to see if Nick Saban really could walk on water.

Of course, it's not hard to pack the old stadium when you can just walk right in and sit anywhere you like. But beware, fans of free spring football. Sixteen BCS schools, or 24 percent, actually charged admission this year. It cost anywhere from $3 to $15 to watch a glorified intra-squad scrimmage. Some schools donated proceeds to scholarship funds, hospitals and charities. And at Missouri and Oregon a couple cans of Spam got you through the turnstiles, as donated food items went to local food banks.

The plot thickens in the soap opera that is Bobby Bowden's swan song

First, let's dispense with the de rigueur loyalty oath: We at ChantRant do appreciate and honor Coach Bowden for building FSU's program into a national power and winning crystal trophies (love 'ya, mean it).

BUT...it would be an act of colossal selfishness if Bowden woke up one morning in January 2011, felt a youthful pep in his step on the way to the bathroom, and took that as a sign he should head for the office instead of composing a resignation letter ("Dang, I feel good. Think I'll go a few more rounds in this dadgum bout").

Imagine, later that morning, Seminole Booster staffers desperately dialing for dollars, hitting up every well-heeled alum in their Rolodex to raise a quick five mil to keep Jimbo on board.

You can just hear reactions like, "Uh...y'know I've always been there for the team. But, ah...well, it's been a tough few years and...Hey, lemme get back to you on that."

Clearly, Bowden's deciding to stay, if that's the mood that strikes him in 2011, couldn't come at a worse time. Rocked by the economic downturn, Spetman will have cut and pared the budget everywhere he can (some sports may even have to be dumped entirely, as other schools have already done). The A/D would have a tough time coming up with an impromptu $50,000, let alone $5 million.

And does it bother you that Spetman apparently hasn't begun to think about heading off this mess (either that or he's playing coy), as evidenced in his Orlando Sentinel interview?

T.K. has to make the hard choice if the aforementioned scenario hits in 2011. Since he apparently revels in playing the A.D. role, it falls to Wetherell to show tough love to his old coach, drawing Bowden an ugly picture of the chaos that will ensue if he wants to continue.

And if Bowden doesn't get the picture? Then T.K. must do what's best for the team and the school (not a graceful exit for one of college football's legendary coaches).

But if T.K. lacks the cojones to cut the cord, then at least demand two things from Bowden:

1. He must work for $1 so as not to dig FSU athletics into a deeper financial hole, and

2. He must ante up at least half of the $5 million owed Jimbo from the fortune he's amassed during 30+ years on the job.

What do Paris Hilton and FSU Football have in common? (Seriously)

They share an uncommon obsession by the media. A frenzied hunger to pounce on any little slip or slight or indiscretion and fan the flames into tabloid gold. The result is that Paris and the Noles have become public pinatas that readers and viewers are encouraged to bash.

Clearly, neither is lily white-blameless. But in the ugly press tradition of knocking the famous from their pedestal, both perspective and proportion have been lost.

The proof is in those Gotcha! headlines. Like when a quarterback parks in a handicapped space because he's late to class. A wide receiver is discovered drunk asleep in a Mickey D's drive-thru lane. Or an unthinking backup player is arrested for shooting a BB gun at an abandoned building. Certainly not conduct we expect or condone from guys who wear Garnet & Gold. But there's a world of difference between goofball college kid stuff and malicious, pre-meditated, even downright evil acts.

And then there's the latest crime against humanity. Sure, Cameron Wade may not be Time Magazine Man of the Year material (and we agree with Tomahawk Nation that a double standard should exist for key players, which could make the heretofore underachieving Wade expendable). But missing a pre-trial conference -- reportedly because his public defender didn't get the word to him, and because he was taking a final exam -- doesn't make him a career criminal.

Here's a good test. Would any of the above indiscretions have merited even a mention on the back page of a major newspaper or on a cable network if they were committed by non-athlete students?

Hardly.

Yet the Wade affair was not only breaking news on ESPN.com, after three days it was still a headliner on the College Football page.

Meanwhile, players from other schools were making the police blotter, though not making national headlines. At least, certainly not the "Japs Bomb Pearl Harbor" coverage reserved for FSU.

How many of these recent stories did you catch on ESPN or other major sports sites?

Marquis Hannah, a Gator junior running back, was booked for alleged burglary of an occupied residence -- a second degree felony charge -- along with first degree misdemeanor battery. (Hannah's the fourth UF player arrested since November, not counting Torrey Davis, who was arrested shortly after leaving the team in March.)  

Three Iowa football players were arrested for drunkeness -- two of them so blitzed they assualted a cop. One of the arrested was none other than the son of head coach Kirk Ferentz. (That brings the number of Iowa players arrested since April 2007 to 24.)